It is not just only a protection for my body from the cold surroundings when I am inside a classroom that is also a freezer of a fastfood chain, or a protection from the piercing rays of the sun, or just because I like to wear it. There is a lot more meaning to that. it is about my past, a past that they say it is so fun, but the thing that I could say is... it is really not.
Back when I was in high school, I had fun with my classmates. I made friends with them. I thought there is really a friendly environment in the section where I belong. But... I have been so wrong. Because inside that friendly environment is another environment that is full of trash and waste. If you don't get what I mean, an atmosphere that is somewhat the opposite of what I have said awhile ago.
Of course, inside a classroom, teasing one another is really inevitable, so does bullying. But... the thing is, I am the point of their bullying. I could accept that they see me as a weird person, and I have a peculiar attitude. But... even though I am so silent and I have nothing to do any task, works, reading, or any types of crap, This one guy, he always chose to do offensive things like throwing things at me, slapping me, or anything bullcrap that he find it so fun. And... he does it out of nowhere, and he do it for fun.
And now, this little mothercrapper, has the side of almost 90% of the class. 9% has nothing to side on (but probably, joins sometimes on the 90% group), and 1% who sides on me, which is my bestfriend. And because of this statistics, those classmates of mine joined to bully me.
And one time, there was an issue which I, also, have been involved. That issue is the only mistake i have done in that class. And, as I apologized to those who have been involved here, as to what I have found here, 1 out of 3 persons who actually accepted my apology. The remaining two, I thought they have accepted it. But... again, I have been so wrong. The guy just doesn't seem to care, but I know that even if he talks to me, he somewhat holds a grudge on me. As to what I have noticed that sometimes when we talk to each other, we have had this awkward feeling.Unlike the girl, she continued to give a crapload of bullying. Even worse is that almost of the class knew that I have done the mistake, but they still do bullying at me. But, it really gives me a good lesson: "I have gone to a war that I don't know how to fight it."
And I have had a relationship with a girl from the class of one of my friends. But... this relationship just lasted for a short period of time. But as she ended this relationship of ours, she texted me that she still like me (Well for the sake of everyone, she said: "I still love you.") after a small exchange of texts. And then I replied "So do I." Because, as she had ended it, I was not able to move on, but, after a week that now I feel capable of moving on, that's when this happened.
But I was an idiot. I belived it so much. Because, I have texted her quite a lot of times. And, I didn't even get a single reply. And, that comes to a point that I have asked her what is the status for the both of us because at that time, I don't want to end it and yeah, I still love her at that time, and still, I haven't got a reply.
Then I message her at Twitter, because that's where I found her so active. I asked her again about our status, and at last. I have received her reply. Her indirect reply. Unfollow in Twitter plus hurting tweets that made me realize that she is just making me believe that she has still feelings for me. I felt so depressed, but... after some more realizations, I'm holding a grudge against her.
But... it doesn't end there. Because right now, I would like to give my sincere gratitude for meeting these humans (if you think that I'm a bit harsh here, then here: friends). Because without them, I will not have any humans to rely on. First of all, my bestfriend Abegail. Next are these guys, the humans: Andrew, Anthony, Joseph (Seph), and Reginald.
Why have I mentioned my gratitude? It is because of this happening.
I am an aspiring musician. I play the violin, actually. But amateurly. I practiced it and had lessons for at least one month and a quarter. Now, as we all know, when we're having any musical lessons, recital is really inevitable. And I have been there done that. The thing is... here. I have posted to my section's group. I just posted that I need their support for my upcoming performance on a mall show. For at least 3 people in that group, they have liked it. But... what's worse is in the comments. And, this invitation happened after I have graduated High School. And yeah...this is the internet, and cyberbullying is inevitable also.
I just posted an invitation for everyone to come at my performance, but I have received comments that as if they do not believe it. They didn't know how much effort I have exerted on my practices and lessons. And, I am really offended. So, I have deleted it. But after 2 days, I posted the invitation again, and I think you know the drill in here. I got offended again and deleted it, and... I have made the most satisfying decision: leave the group of my section. I even posted a status about it, and I was indirectly pointing about my section.
The perfomance day had come. I waited for someone to show up. And I waited for nothing. The only one who came to my performance, among those who I have invited, is my buddy, Andrew. Also, my aunt and uncle. I received some good luck message from some of my classmate, saying that they can't go, and good luck. And I really not find it so sincere because, I know them. but, I have received messages from my buddies, Seph and Anthony. Even though they can't go and bidding me good luck, At least I know that they are really sincere. And even though my bestfriend didn't texted me, nor appeared to my performance, I could feel her support.
But... It was an utterly complete failure. My performance went so wrong, even though I have practiced the piece for about 2 week. And because of it, I barely go to the music school where I studied violin.
In those times, you could say that it is really bullcrap. But, along with those times, I have been playing a game which has totally inspired me. It is a game called Assassin's Creed.
Because of it, my fondness of jacket with hoods (the open and plain ones, not the closed and has a brand name which is shouting at the front.), have increased, and I have used them since I got my uniform.
I know that there will be always an encounter with persons whom you know, and it is really inevitable. But I choose those person, those I want to see and meet again. And that's where the purpose of my jackets go in. As I ride the LRT, going to school or going back home, I'll just put my hood on, act according to the ways of the Assassin, and scan the area for any Templars. If there's one or two, never remove the hood, if there's none or have seen and met someone that is an ally, there are two options: make the hood stay on, or remove it.
Because I have now my ways. I am free. I am now lashed out from the chains. And, someday, I will have my revenge on them. Not that I will kill them, but I will show them that I am the most successful among them, and if they need help and approached me, I'll just lock myself inside my home.
"I could give a person either of these two greetings: with a warm smile, or a cold stare."
--Myself, 2015
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."
--The Creed's Maxim (Assassin's Creed Series)
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